TODAY, I am a giver. Tomorrow I may need to take. Mostly I give a lot. And take a little. Or take a lot, then give back.

TODAY, I heard the sad news of a friend diagnosed with cancer. My first friend, my first peer.

A consultant at Full Circle Family Care warmed up a new moms’ group by asking, “What’s the best thing about being a new mom?”

I answered, “All the firsts.”

First time Adela held a balloon, she was enthralled. First swim was just delightful, and we got it on video.

I love all the firsts.

TONIGHT I realize the ongoing firsts I’m still experiencing, and that we continue to experience firsts long into adulthood.

My first birth…

TODAY was my first time at Ward Acres, and I was enchanted by the old barn and myriad trails. We went at dusk, so the trails seemed to give way to dark passages. I’m attracted to the woods at night. I want to do it again—long night hikes.

I’ve been seeing the novelty of each day and experiencing the sublime with crisp clarity. It’s invigorating. I would say having a child is, in itself, invigorating.

So, my first friend to be diagnosed with cancer…

In my own person, right now, age and youth are dueling.

I never want to get old and I never want to die. I love life too much. I wish I would never take my health for granted. Can’t someone else’s illness inspire me to take life by the horns?

I want lustful conquest, not loafing; I want to stoke my passions like the embers of a fire that need stoking; I want no half measures.

The only thing I lack, that I might desire more of, is mobility. Mobility is a sign of youth, and often of relative prosperity, though poor vagabonds exist. Do I concede that I am not one of those people who gets to travel to the farthest exotic destinations like Madagascar, Indonesia, Phillipines—?

I want access. I want novelty.

About MommyTheorist

Editor, writer, photographer, and new mom
This entry was posted in Bliss, Health, Parenting, Psychology, Travel and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Firsts

  1. Gene-Manuel says:

    Sorry to hear about your first friend with cancer. I was 24 when my first friend had it . . . I’ll never forget it . . . or him. I’ve had two more after him. Every time, it’s felt like the first time.
    Hang in there. Much love to you and your friend.

  2. oliarights says:

    You already traveled further than most people with a one year old. You can do it! You will do it, if you want it. And you don’t need money for that. We both know how cheap traveling could be. I’ve done it with no money and it was the best trips of my life, I stayed at the best places. Fancy hotels and nice houses often imprison. Travel should be free like love :) About the cancer friend, we should talk. I have some experience with cancer but still do not know how to approach it. It is a sore spot of my life.

  3. oliarights says:

    ps. I love your wording. The fire embers and lustful conquest. You inspire me to use pretty words.

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